What Happened, Gays?

Burlesque only made $11.9 million in its opening weekend, for a dismal fourth place finish. Bad gays! Very, very bad gays! It seemed like a recipe for a fantasia of faggotry: 1 heaping helping of Cher

1 crotchless panty of Christina Aguilera

Add a pinch of shirtless hunk

Stanley Tucci to taste

Voilá! GAY UTOPIA. So what went wrong? Okay, I will admit that I have not yet seen Burlesque, but it is at the very top of my list of things to do! Along with: "stock up on Four Loko", "buy a fur for the winter" and my weekly "stalk Liza". But what about you, the rest of gay America? Were you too busy reupholstering your vintage furniture, or painting your newly constructed breakfast nook? Or could it possibly be that Burlesque is just not worth seeing...? Nah. That's cray cray talk! And I'm ashamed of myself for even considering it. Well, I'm going to see it this week and will report back on my findings. I may be a little biased, but I'm already stuffing the Oscar ballot in Cher's favor.